Hi...long time no post Hahaha. so you all knows the main reason why I choose for not blogging for a while,don't you? Yup,since I broke up with carrol everything completely changed. & you you've read the last post from me,right? it's about carrol haha. Ok, let's skip all the things about him. Ya, today April 12th 2012, I have been single for 2 months. Hmm I'm still single not because I still want him to come back BUT I'm afraid of calling something that I guess it's LOVE but it wasn't. I cherish every single moment of being single. you know that single a lot more fun? hell yeah, but I can't deny it, sometimes I need someone who will give his attention more to me. The best part of being single is, I can talk with so many boys without getting worry. Bitchy? hell-no! It's mean I appreciate for someone who make an effort to me for make me realize that THERE IS LOTS OF BOYS THAT BETTER THAN HIM. Thanks God you've given me a chance for find someone who is a lot than him:-) and now I realized, he is not worth for me to fighting for& he doesn't deserve my tears. I know I shouldn't wait for him but I am not regret about what I've done to him. It would change nothing if I regret it, because past can't be edited or rewind. We only could accept it all as lessons for not doing that in the future. For me, he is the EXample for the failure relationship so I wish I wouldn't be failed again...:)

"Ayah" menurut kalian apasih ayah itu? Well, for me dad is the most wonderful thing that ever appears to this world after someone that we called 'mom' or we can call they both as a parents. Ya, they both who brought us to this world. Without them there is will no me. Feel so lucky that I could have a dad like him. Super strong, funny and wise. He is the one and he will never gonna be replace. He taught me so many things the way how to be patient while there is so many problems that we have to face, how to be a BETTER person. You know what? me and my dad aren't always have a good communication sometimes when he arrived after worked he eats and sleep or maybe watch a television for a while. But me? I'm busy with the school's stuffs that isn't cool at all. YAKKKKSSS!:& but I've promised to my dad, that I will prove him that one day I can be the one who can make he really proud of to have a daughter like me. He almost never gets angry with me even how big my mistakes. He is really good father or maybe the best of the best. I have so many similarities with him, first we both are such a stubborn person, have a high ambition and never sees and think that we want to get is impossible because I know nothing's impossible. Everything could happen if we want, if we try and pray as hard as we can. My dad always says that to me. So, no matter how big something that we want if we try and takes many efforts I think everything is reachable. I remember the quote "if there is a will, there is a way." ya, that's quote is totally right!!!! I'm so agree with that. And there's still so many similarities between us and the important one is, he is really good at mathematics and physics!!! how envy. while I'm not good at 2 kinds of subjects. I really hate them, really >:O he could be everything that I need. Sometimes he could be such a wise person hmm.....he has so many quotes for me :-p he could be a father that really knows what's her daughter want. He was born in Jakarta on August 1st 1969 B-) HE IS MY EVERYTHING, I LOVE YOU!♥

Hidup.

Well,apa sih artinya hidup? apa tujuan dari hidup? dan kenapa kita harus hidup? Mungkin bukan hanya satu dua orang yang punya pertanyaan seperti itu, tetapi bisa ratusan,ribuan atau bahkan? milyaran. Sampai saat ini gue juga masih gatau definisi yang bener dari apa yang namanya HIDUP itu sendiri. Setiap orang punya statement masing-masing terhadap hidup. Kalo menurut gue pribadi sih, hidup itu ada pilihan. Pilihan yang kita harus jalani, hidup itu seperti roda. Roda itu berputar jadi intinya adalah hiudp itu berputar, dalam arti hidup kita gak selamanya di atas atau pun selamanya dibawah. Pasti kehidupan kita gak akan selamanya mudah atau sulit. Tuhan udah nyusun kisah hidup kita dari sebelum kita lahir ke dunia. Menurut gue pribadi,cobaan terberat dalam hidup tuh saat lo lagi diatas. Kenapa terberat? Iya, karena sebenernya kita lagi di coba sama Tuhan. Selama kita kaya, kita bakal terus bersyukur dan ingat sama dia atau enggak dengan cara berdoa&amal ibadah lainnya. Sadar gak sih? Banyak orang yang sangat amat terlena dengan harta dan kemewahan sampe sampe mereka gak inget sama tuhan kalo sebenernya yang ngasih semua itu adalah TUHAN? Mereka sadarnya, mereka dapet semua yang mereka mau dari hasil usaha mereka sendiri. Iya, emang bener. Tapi dibalik itu semua itu ada kehendak tuhan, mungkin mereka gak bakal bisa kayak gitu kalo tuhan gak menghendaki . Gabakal bisa ngerasain dinginnya AC yang ada di kamar/rumah mereka, gabakal bisa naik mobil mewah , gabakal bisa bersekolah dengan nyaman, gabakal bisa makan makanan yang enak, gabisa bernafas dan yang paling paling itu sebenernya adalah tanpa kehendak tuhan mereka gak akan ada di dunia ini. Terkadang, gue malah berfikir saat posisi kita di bawah itu bukan karena Tuhan gak sayang sama kita tapi Ia memberikan cobaan kepada hambanya, seberapa kuat iman hambanya dan seberapa besar ia ingat kepada Tuhan disaat kehidupannya tidak se nikmat orang-orang diatasnya? Gue yakin banget kok Tuhan sayang sama semua umatnya tanpa terkecuali, cuma ada saat-saatnya dan itu gak akan selamanya karena setiap manusia pasti dicoba.

Contohnya dari hal-hal kecil deh kayak misalnya lo ulangan dan udah belajar semaksimal mungkin tapi hasilnya gak memuaskan,ya kayak gitu-gitu deh. Berarti Tuhan maunya lo berusaha lebih keras lagi. Ohya, hidup itu harus punya mimpi. Hidup tanpa punya mimpi atau angan angan tuh bakal garing banget. Kayak gada keinginan hidup. Justru mimpi itulah yang menjadi motivator lo buat hidup. Kalo hidup lo gak mimpi,apa yang mau diraih bro? Mending mati aja itu mah. Ambisi tuh perlu, tapi ambisi yang berlebihan juga gak baik. Jadi, semuanya harus di takar secara merata dan gak berlebihan karena segala sesuatu yang berlebihan itu gabaik. Kalo ditanya mimpi gue......mimpi gue tuh : 1. Ngebahagiain semua orang yang gue sayang, 2. Bahagia dunia dan akhirat, 3. Bisa jadi diploma. siapa sih orang yang gak mau mimpi nya terwujud? tunjuk tangan! HAHA menurut gue hanya orang gila& gapunya otak kalo kayak gitu. Hidup tuh keras bradeer! Kalo lo lembek mau jadi apa? mau di injek-injek? Jangan sampe deh lo cuma jadi ilalang di kehidupan orang, jangan selalu bergantung sama orang. Kalo Tuhan ngasih lo cobaan bertubi-tubi lo jangan berdoa biar Tuhan ngurangin dosis masalah-masalah lo tapi berdoa dan minta agar lo menjadi orang yang jauh lebih kuat.

Jadi,ibaratnya gini....Kalo lo di tonjok ya lo tonjok balik. Jangan ngalah terus pergi. Itu pecundang namanya harga diri tuh paling penting. Nah,sekarang kalo harga diri aja lo udah gapunya apa yang lo bisa banggain di diri lo?

Gabakal ada asap kalo gak ada api,right?

Gak ada yang gak mungkin kok di dunia ini asal lo mau berusaha dan kerja keras untuk mewujudkan semuanya yang lo impikan buang jauh-jauh deh tuh kata "susah" atau apapun yang bermakna negatif. Resolusi lo buat 2012 apa? pasti banyak dan baik-baik kan? NAH! wujudin tuh sebelum(katanya) kiamat bakal ada akhir tahun ini dan lo bakal nyesel selamanya tanpa bisa ngewujudin semua itu. HAHA bye.

First, I think I have been fooled by you.

Second, I have been fell too hard.

Third, I feel so dumb.

Fourth, I feel so deeply in love with you.

Fifth, you are not mine at all.

SO WHAT I HAVE TO DO NOW?

It's kinda wasting my time for spend my whole time just for thinking of you. I knew that but why I keep doing on the same shits everyday? It's kinda tired me of. I'm sick of being like this. Tired of being sick and I'm sick with all the bullshits that you have made. I know crying will never solve these pain at all. I'm fragile inside. I just wanna scream as loud as I can. So, maybe I could feel much better. Why life have to be much harder when I grew up? Life used to be easy. But now? Yea,everything is getting harder. Actually,when I knew you. My life changed 18 degrees! I'm messed up& don't know which way that I have to choose. But, now everything's better from that shits I could learn so many things. I am the new me.

For now being weak and stupid isn't the right choice for face the fuckin' two faced peoples out there. The strong one is the one who will win the game. Don't be such a stupid donkey. Life is extremely hard for now or even getting harder,I think.....you may think that I'm happy but you are totally wrong. HA! because I'm more than happy,this fuckin' life have taught me how to fuck the life so I can be the winner. Being weak? oh.....It's not an options. Maybe life used to be easy but I don't live there anymore. This sickness this pain are the only reason why I have to be strong. Even though everything mess up now it's doesn't mean that I can fix it all. I was born for be the strong person actually I AND YOU ALL. Yea,God won't give us something that we can not handle. Though this patience has a limit I will never give up, when the problem is getting more and more I tried to stand back from adversity. SO FUCK THE WORLD AND LET'S GET HIGH!!!

Hi there..........................

There's a lot things that you have to know. First,I'm still madly damn in love with you. Second,I miss everything about you. Third,I miss when you greeted me on my bbm. I miss when your chat was on my screen. I miss when you slept earlier than me. I miss when I re-read your chat on my history chat. I miss when the first time you chat me on Facebook and I miss when I treat you like I don't like you. I miss when I fall for you for the first time and I've been fell too hard. I miss when you made me fallin' in love with you over and over again. Yea, I know I shouldn't set my hope too high from the start. I know that's all was my fault. But,fall in love with you is beyond my controls. If I could choose,I would never choose to love you and if I know how the ends.......And actually,I miss you. I miss how we like used to. I miss you so much. Nobody's could replace you from my heart. No matter how handsome that boy no matter how smart and how charming he is. My heart have choose you. But,I'm on the process for moving on. I promise I would said "Hello! I can without you. I'm okay. and now I have someone who is a lot better than you." somedayyyy:''')

Hi December.♥

Seriously,I'm extremely excited for this month. Cause,there will be A HOLIDAY. Actually,I'm so tired with the school's stuffs. Exam Homework Tasks isn't cool at all. Even though this month I have to make decision, I won't be like this forever. I have to choose,being fooled or let him go. Yea, it's all caused by someone who I love so much and he is not mine at all. How fool? How could? Being fooled by the same type of human being,BOY that usually I called AN EVIL >:O hahahaha. Thank you for those sweet words that I know those isn't real :') And I even believe it until I realize that I have been fooled by you.

Because of all,I want holiday that probably that's all could make me forget him. For a while or even forever? I never hate you,dude. I will always remember about you for almost 2months makes me believe that there's someone love me after something terrible happened in my life you have to know actually I love you not because everything you have but because my heart have choose you to be the one but I was wrong. I'm not mean as much as you mean to me.

I'm not good at making sweet words but deep inside my heart there's only one name,and that's your name. There's nothing I can do except let you find your happiness out there though it won't with me. I'm sure that God has a better plan for me,for us. I'm not the type of girl that you want. But, there's nothing else that could love you just like the way I am. You could find another girl who is a lot better than me,and me too. I'm worth to deserve someone who's a lot better than you but for me it's need a time. I'm so done with wishing I know we have a different destiny and I can't force you to always with me. Because,for me it's more than enough to see the one who I love is have a happily life even though it without me. I know someday I'm gonna miss all the things about you:') Thank you for making me feel comfort thank you for all those things that you did to me.

Hopefully,this December I will find my own way to get my happiness.♥